this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
