it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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