I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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