My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
