If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
