the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
