I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
