my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
