Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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