but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
