Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
