don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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