i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Congratulations! We have a period
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