When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
