Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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