so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
