my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
