I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize