when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
