My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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