Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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