am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
