2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
