just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
never play flip cup with pint glasses
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
