We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
