my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i barfeds in our rink
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
