I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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