tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
