i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
