kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
