I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
