so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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