he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
