Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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