Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
