Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i black out too much to be "responsible"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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