I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So squirting runs in the family.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
