Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
