Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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