Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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