piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
