Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
