wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
