It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
