Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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