I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
