I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
