party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
