R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You may now shotgun with the bride
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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