I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
