I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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