Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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