I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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