I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
